Sunday, May 15, 2011, 08:18 p.m.
So I feel like the biggest bitch in the world right now... I let the green monster get the best of me and it has now become the reason I feel so depressed today. I let jealousy become the reason that me and Albert were fighting. We shouldn't be fighting because of some stupid... I want to say bitch but I don't know if I can really use that word toward her. If anything, I'm the bitch today. She's just brought out the ugly green monster in me with her flirtatious ways and the way she has been all over my Albert! He is mine!!! And only mine!!! I know Albert won't let her do anything but the fact that I've witnesses her trying to be so close to MY Albert, makes me wanna hurt her sometimes. I'm trying not to be the bad person and that's why I haven't told her off. I have a right to be jealous of her, but I shouldn't let her be the reason that I am fighting with my Albert! I let her be the reason that I put a stupid status up this morning on facebook. I hate myself for letting myself do that!!! When Albert read this status he became upset... I never meant to hurt him or upset him... I'm the ultimate bitch at this point. It's all my fault for not being completely open with even the people that I'm closest with. I've never been able to be completely open with anyone and it kills me. But maybe that'll change... I've only been open with this page and I don't know why.. It does me no good that no one reads this.. This is where I put everything out on the line. This is where I let the tears flow as I let out my true emotions.. I need to be telling this to my true loved one. To who I believe is my soul mate. To Adalberto Morales. I love him so much but just because of my stubbornness I hold things inside.
To my Albert ♥
There's so much you should know but it's hard for me to find the words.. There are reasons from my past as to why it's hard for me to open up completely and there are also reasons as to why I am so jealous. I've always kept to myself growing up and there were times that I would try to share things with people that I know but they would not listen, they would hurt me for saying what I said, or they would stop talking to me. If that was what was going to happen when I opened up then why open up at all. This was the mentality that I grew up with most of my life. Just recently I have been learning to open up. It's taking me time to get to the point where I will completely open up but just know that I am trying. I love you so much that it scares me sometimes. I'm so afraid of losing you. I hurt whenever I hurt you. I can't stand it. Now for the reasons that I get jealous... I've been wronged by both of my ex's and by some of the guys that I have almost been with. One of my ex's straight out cheated on me, the other had a half naked picture of another girl on his phone. He always had his phone locked and he wouldn't tell me the password but one day when he was out of the room it was unlocked and I went through his pictures and found the picture of that half naked girl. I never told him... It built up inside me to where I was crying everyday about it, but I never told him. One day it was so bad that I cried in front of him. He broke up with me less than a week after that. It hurt but now I have been lead to you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't wanna ruin this. I think I am now in love with you. I am trying to be as open with you as I can. It may be dumb that I am doing it through a blog but it's hard.. I hope you read this and then maybe you'll understand. Whatever I'm feeling comes out in this blog. I hate myself sometimes but I'll get over it. Don't get what I say too personally babe. I let my emotions free on this blog. They just flow out along with some tears. Maybe once we're living together I won't need this blog except for maybe when you're away or I'm away. I hope you read this. And then maybe you'll understand me more. I love you oh so much ♥
Thursday, April 14, 2011, 09:37 p.m.
When in a relationship people don't only take on the love that it comes with, but they get the burdens of their partner too. Sometimes we don't understand it but it gets to people. It just makes things harder too. Family problems become your partner's problems too. When things are getting to you it sometimes rubs off on your partner. They start to feel what you are feeling. It makes things more complicated. It is sometimes what really tests a relationship. If you can with stand it then maybe it's meant to last, but if not then say good bye. It was a nice try. It was fun while it lasted. Well I'm not gonna say that. I'm gonna make sure it lasts. Love is stronger than any other thing in existence. ♥
Wednesday, April 13, 2011, 06:08 p.m.
Family drama creates so many problems. It seems like people forget that we are all human. We all make mistakes and we have a tendency to take sides, but sometimes we have to stop and think. No one is perfect, no matter how much you might look up to them. When you make a mistake it takes courage to admit it, but once you admit your mistakes it can make you better person. It can make things easier for everyone around you. Also by admitting mistakes it makes you a bigger person. When you know that someone else is wrong, you shouldn't commit wrongs against them too. That only makes the problem worst! You make the conflict worst!!! It starts to make other people in the family try to pick a side. After that happens it just creates more problems. Because we are only human, we "stick to our guns" once we pick a side. We fail to look at both sides. We end up feuding with one another which tears the family apart for the moment being. It's not right. The ones you love do not deserve to be ignored by you just because you have a difference in opinion. You should be open to conversation! You should keep the relationships you have with one another because family is one of the strongest bond that you shouldn't let fall apart. Yes feuds happen but don't let them go on to extremes. It hurts so many people and it's emotionally draining for many. We all just need to stop and think sometimes. Not about who's right and who's wrong, but about who matters and about the people you KNOW. Please...
One more thing... If you do have a conflict with someone, sometimes it's fine to have arguments or disputes, but to say that you do not care for the well being of that person is pushing towards something horrible. You once loved this person so to not care about their well being when you know that they are going through some health problem is wrong. If something were to go wrong then you would care, so don't be dumb.